12 Months!

Ashoken Farewell!

I was introduced to this song at the funeral of a beloved pastor, it was heart wrenching. The author (Jay Ungar) wrote it when he was feeling a great sense of loss and longing and he states that he kept the tune to himself for several months because he didn’t understand the emotions that it evoked. The tune was used in the mini series Civil War and was the only contemporary music in that series and it has become a beloved tune. If you have never heard this song, please have a listen!

I had this version of the tune played at my husband’s grave side memorial. He died a year ago today and it truly does bring to the surface the emotions that Jay Ungar was feeling at the time he wrote it, longing and loss, the very deep emotions of grief! It’s amazing to me how music can stir up those emotions that are such a part of our creature hood and how they can reflect the many things that are within. The longing and the loss are because we don’t want to say that final farewell; we don’t want the life to be over.

It’s been a long year of being without my husband, a year of so many differences that I can't even begin to put them down. One huge difference is living alone; I’ve never lived alone until now so that has been an adjustment that hasn't been easy to make. I always told him that I’d hate coming home to an empty house and sure enough I do. I leave the radio on and I have a dog that is glad to see me when I come home so that helps with some warmth, but I miss the smile as soon as I come in and the warmth of his presence. That’s when the longing sets in, the longing to have the one person who knew me the best still here; often I feel quite lost without him.

We don't often stop and think of how wonderfully we are made but I realize what a blessing it is that the Lord created us with the capacity to have memories. Those sweet memories come and go on a daily basis and even those that aren't so sweet. Oh but I wouldn't trade any of it for it is the life the Lord gave us. It's remembering the times for every purpose under the heaven I guess; the times we laughed and danced, the times we mourned together. I’ve been told the longing doesn’t go away and I think that is going to prove to be true. The longing steals upon me suddenly and I’d love to tell him about it, he’d understand.

It’s a different journey now. The Lord knows my weak frame and He never chides me for the feelings of longing and loss. We shouldn’t be afraid to share our emotions nor should we try and hide them as if they are nonexistent. We should always be willing to listen, to bear with each other and to remember that feelings/emotions are a normal part of our life. The Lord is full of compassion for His people and He always gently reminds me that I don’t walk by the many feelings but by faith. I'm so thankful that He taught me to separate feelings from faith, what a blessed growth that was. So I thank the Lord for the life we had together and I press on in this journey and I remember.

Grace and Peace!