It’s been three months since my husband died and I can’t decide if they have gone by quickly or has it seemed like years. Maybe I can’t decide because I’m taking one day at a time and if that is true, well thank you Lord!
Saturdays are my hardest day of the week. Two weeks ago was the first Saturday I spent without tears. But I also spent a Saturday visiting with a dear friend who is a widow and that understanding with one who walks in the same shoes helped a lot. I think Saturday is the day because the work week was over and we had time to sit together at the table, especially in the mornings. It was the day we had our most fusses and we laughed about that often. I usually tried to fix a really good lunch; you know the kind I used to fix every day. He especially loved it if the meal had gravy, he considered that the best part! So it is the little things that linger in the mind and they come and go at their own bidding, or so it seems. But of course we know that the bidding of all things is in the Hand of God who directs the thoughts and steps of man!
This brings me to the A-words! It has been a long year and a half and yet the ‘churchy’ issues rage on! I have to conclude that the Lord isn’t finished yet although as participants we desire that it all be put to rest, but that would be our timing and not His. The A-words that have popped into my mind during contemplation of the continuing saga in just the last few weeks all start with the letter A and I found that kind of amusing. Words have meaning and these words have in depth meaning for me, words such as ‘accusations’,'attacks' ‘assumptions’, ‘approval’, and ‘accountability’ . Much of the ongoing turmoil is a result of the application of the words above, that is what I believe.
I was thinking that I could press on and of course in the ways that really count I have. But in other ways I’m drawn back into the thick of it. I received a letter just recently from a long time friend that is still in the church. Although I can't see into her heart I believe that her intention was good and because of that I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. I believe that she loves me and that she thinks she has my best interest at heart but if we put all of that aside there is one thing she doesn’t have and that is the truth, she has the opinions of others of what the truth is.
Her letter to me, which was supposed to contain the Word of God which alone is a two edged sword and always accomplishes what the Lord intends, instead contained opinions that resulted in assumptions and accusations of the dissenters and now her blogging contains references to my leaving the church and WHY I did that. However, there is a small matter she is overlooking; the fact that she has never once spoken to me about my decision to leave the church and neither has she spoken to the others who have been labeled dissenters about their own decisions and trials. So her opinions are based on the opinions of others and their opinions are based on the opinions of others and…well, you see the road we are going down.
To be continued……