My thoughts have been so personal since the death of my husband and so I haven’t quite come out of the grief mode. I’m confident now that will take some time. It isn’t the kind of grief that says life cannot go on or that says I can’t go on. I know without a doubt that the Lord sustains me and keeps me each moment of the day and has promised that He always will. I’m so thankful for His unfailing Faithfulness.
It is the kind of grief that I have experienced today. It has been two months today since he died and I’m doing our income tax. I’ve been able to accomplish that little job since we moved down here because we have simple W-2 income. We haven’t had to itemize like we used to when we lived on the ranch and had depreciation and expense. I guess in this life style nothing really depreciates except for us.
But this year I have had to do a bit more research because I don’t know how to file when your spouse is deceased. You see, I’d like to discuss it with him and I can’t because he isn’t here. Death is strange in that way, it doesn’t take away the desire to talk to your spouse, I suppose that is the grief of it. He would always sit at the table and watch me; he was so proud of me and thought I was ever so smart! ;)
I wasn’t taught how to cook as I was growing up so when we were first married I told him I didn’t really know how to cook. Well, he thought for a minute and then he asked me if I could read and of course I said yes and he pointed me to the cook books, such a simple solution! So it was today, I looked up how to file for a deceased spouse and read the instructions and finished the job, all the while wishing that he was sitting there watching me. I’m sure there will be many more such instances; they are called ‘grief bursts’. But as he would always say to me; “don’t worry about it honey, it will all come out in the wash’. Isn’t that truly the way life is? The Lord has it all worked out for us so we have no need to worry!
Grace and Peace!