Several years ago I posted an entry entitled ‘Holding Her Hand’ in remembrance of my mother who had died. The title was a way to express my deepest honor and joy at being able to be at her bedside as she was dying and to be holding her hand as she took her last breath.
Several weeks ago I posted an entry entitled ‘There is a Time’ as my brother-in-law had just passed away unexpectedly and I remembered how comforting that portion of Scripture is; ‘There is a time for every purpose under the heaven.’
So it is, once again, my time to be reminded that there truly is a “time for every purpose under the heaven’. My husband of 38 years died on November 19, 2008 at 3.45 am while I again had the deepest honor and joy of holding his hand as he took his last breath.
Our life together was like all marriages, there were times of joy and there were times of sorrow, ups and downs, sin and misery, quarrels, forgiveness and for us it was in sickness more than in health. It isn’t always rosy, it isn’t always easy but when two become one flesh it changes us. We truly do cleave together in a way that is special as in no other relationship even amidst the hardships. I miss the warmth of his presence, his voice, the three kisses every time we parted or came back together (it was our special touch). I miss the intimacy of the shared memories that are between a husband and a wife. I miss his patience with my shortcomings especially because I have so many. I imagine in the days ahead I will find many things that I miss; I’m thinking even wiping up the spilled coffee! The wife is grieving, the care giver is resting.
I’ve had great comfort, peace, strength and courage from the Lord my God, how merciful He has been to me. The comfort and peace come in knowing, by faith, that He does all things well regardless of the pain and the grief that accompanies them. He is Sovereign over all things and therein lays the peace. It is the comfort and peace of trusting the Creator of all souls to bring glory to Himself. He is the Potter and so I can rest in His Sovereign Way and I have peace. It truly does pass all understanding.
He gave me strength and courage to keep on in well doing, weariness was a constant companion for both of us and so often we wanted to bury our heads in the sand with the physical trials. We didn’t know this journey to the hospital would be the last one but it was and He gave me strength and courage to help him through his last hours, I am thankful. I am thankful for the love of family and the love and prayers of the saints in my life, God is gracious to provide for every need.
My heart is heavy, the tears flow often but I am confident and trusting that the Scripture gives me a clear picture of my God and Savior. The One who has promised that He will never leave me nor forsake me and whose compassion's never fail to His people for His mercies are truly new every morning. Great is Thy Faithfulness!
Grace and Peace